I saw the perfect 10. Heck, given my physical and mental reaction to seeing her, she may very well be an 11. Endowed like the elf, tall and curved like M (ie, not too tall, and the perfect high-end-of-average weight), shoulder-blade length brown hair, and wearing the most wonderful corset-style top with a denim-looking skirt.
And what did I do, as she was walking up to and standing at the register at Steak & Shake? Sat in my booth, hiding behind Twitch & Rose, and repeated to myself, "She's a 10, I'm a 5, and there's no way she's single, let alone interested." while forming a not insignificant puddle of drool.
She left, THEN I got up the nerve to go say "Hi". I leave the restaurant, hoping to catch her just outside the door. Instead I see her glance over from her car in the, "Did I leave my purse inside and the busboy is bringing it out to me?" kinda way, not so much as smile, and get in the passenger seat and drive off. And I act like I was just walking to the car.
And it was since then that I realized two things, partly thanks to T&R's help....
A) I wait for girls to come to me.
The last girl that I approached in person took three of her friends and left the bar to avoid a dance with me. The one before that smiled, chatted for a bit, then kissed another guy who walked up to her who later became obvious that he was either her boyfriend or her dealer, I'm still not sure which. Maybe both. Therefore me approaching girls = bad. But at least it's not without precident to make this decision. T&R's mentioning on this, though, was that if I wait for girls to come to me, I'll get the chaff. The guys who make the first move will filter out the better girls first. I still find it odd that a 9 like the Elf or M finds me interesting. (And if the elf reads this, yes, even when you were at your heaviest you didn't drop below 8. Thank your Scotch-Irish genes for the ability to just look good regardless of your weight.)
B) I love far too easily and completely.
This was evidenced by my walking past 11's car, and feeling a horrible pang of guilt over the fact that the Elf will be moving to Ohio this spring, and me being attached when that happens will reduce the amount of time I can spend with her in any capacity. Upon reflection this morning, I realized that if almost any one of my friends, even the two who I'm exceptionally annoyed with (just due to overexposure, mostly), came to me with a dire situation and asked for my help, I would. This goes beyond my Paladin complex, too. There are four friends from elementary school that I realized this would apply to that I haven't talked to in years. But in the case of the Elf, I know that me finding someone would hurt her, and the last thing I want to do is hurt anyone.