Hiro (hiromasaki) wrote,

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Fun, fun, fun.

Well, the elf took what I said in the last post and in a previous conversation completely wrong. It didn't help at all that I was extremely tired when we had that talk, but it's still irksome. Yes, I'm moving on. Yes, I have looked at other women. Yes, certain things about her have changed in ways that don't fit me as well as she used to. BUT, yes, I would consider trying again. No, it wouldn't take me more than a day to think about it. No, I don't view it as likely. Do I still love her? Yes. Do I still want her? Absolutely. Do I spend time obsessing over it? You bet. Do I use her as the benchmark to which other dates must meet? Yes. Has anyone else ever measured up? Not yet. Not even close.

Yet, longing for her has caused me a lot of problems... I'm doing my best to put it in the back of my mind and try and treat future dates as individuals with their own merits, not stack them up next to the elf and give up when they come up short. I highly doubt I'll ever meet anyone as smart and wonderful and comfortable to be around as her. But being slightly less comfortable than amazingly so is still quite comfortable.

I guess the point is, would I get back with the elf? Only if she asked, and we could figure out a way to be less than 2,000 miles apart. Would I be happy? Immensely. Do I see it happening and plan my life around it? Well, I have for the past four years, and it's gotten me a bit of grief and lots of lonliness. Time to stop.

Otherwise, another day at work, another night with far too little sleep, and a customer's computer that still won't co-operate. Fun, fun, fun.
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