Had a potential blind date... found out there's something bad about said date I need to know ahead of time. (Not to mention waiting another week or so for her current on/off relationship to switch to off... A combo plan by some friends to see if they can find someone for me and get her out of a sour relationship. Yay... Excuse again.)
I don't like being like this. It's not me. It's not who I was or who I want to be. And yet I feel it swallowing me whole. A lonely jerk. And I've gotten to be an argumentative wise-ass jerk. Some people won't or don't see it, but... Overly competative, overbearing, self-centered.
I don't know if it's from being around friends who gladly take but don't give back or what... I've got a shell around me and I can't break it down. Inside is lonely, and the outside is ugly. And my newest, greatest fear is that no one will care to break open the shell to see what's inside.
I've had an offer made to me... A friend is getting his Mother's house sometime late this year or early next and could use a roommate. With my roommate having kid on way, and that being one of my few places of refuge, I may take him up on the offer. At the very least, with that being the house of narcolepsy (don't ask), I know I'll get enough sleep... even if it is in an empty bed.