Hiro (hiromasaki) wrote,

  • Mood:

Le Sigh...

The last entry probably came off a little more harsh than intended. S'funny. For a couple who are no longer a couple, we certainly do fight like we're married. I just wish the making up was as rewarding. I just wish the making up happened, instead of the two or three weeks of silence, followed by sane conversation for a day or two before everything repeats.

I guess my major problem is my inferiority complex... When I first met her, she was so smart and witty and wonderful. Yet she didn't make me feel the slightest bit inferior. I felt like I was every bit her equal, and we treated each other that way. Somehow that slowly turned into now, where she's introverted to the point of starting to resemble a black hole, and I keep looking at her and seeing only what's good, and how it's everything I'm not. She's an accomplished roleplayer, I'm lucky to stay in character for three sessions before my character goes flat. (The only exception to that is Timmy O'Leary, everybody's favorite Gangrel.) She's advanced in FFXI, I do well in combat but am constantly flat-broke and have no quests completed. She's intelligent and proved it with two years at a rather elite college, a year earlier than all of her fellow students. I failed out of a state school after 3 semesters. (Not saying I'm not intelligent... I just can never get my brain to work on demand.) She knows a decent bit of Japanese and can watch unsubbed anime and have a good idea of what's going on. I am lucky to remember "Gomen Nasai" and how to count to 10.

So at this point, I'm lost, alone, and tired.

I need to get outta work... More tomorrow.
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